38. DO NOT EAT IT OR DRINK IT.
The patient’s physician had recommended him to my pharmacy for an over-the-counter enema. Our talk went like this: The person wasn’t the sharpest one in the bunch, and maybe his physician didn’t explain it well enough or the guy didn’t listen, but our chat went like this:
Pt. : So I’m going to have to poop once I finish this bottle?
Me: This is an enema, sir. It’s a rectilinear device.
Pt. (confused): So what does it mean? I don’t have to drink it all?
Me: No, sir, you’ll lie down on your side and insert the bottle’s applicator tip into your rectum, then squeeze the contents into your intestines. You’ll then lie on your side and keep the enema in until you feel the need to go to the bathroom.
Pt. : You’re telling me I have to put it up my butt?!
Yes, sir, this is an enema that is administered rectally. The box includes complete instructions and diagrams.
SCREW YOU, pt.
And then he stormed away. I didn’t see him again after that. I’m not sure if he thought I was playing with him or not, but I hope he could use the restroom at some point.
